The Internet

I think the internet has truly changed the world for the better. Back before the internet, if you wanted to see a naked woman for free you had to look through someone’s window.

The Rock As...Nelson Mandela!!

Another great idea from the me-meister!! This year, everyone seems intent on releasing films about the Mandelas. However, I feel that children are inadequately catered for in this new Mandela-based market. So, I propose that someone makes a film about Nelson Mandela with Mandela played by The Rock. He doesn’t look a bit like Mandela, but who gives a fuck? Also, it would satisfy my appetite for more of The Rock. There isn’t enough The Rock at the cinema. It would make up for the other day, when I rented a movie called The Rock, and he was nowhere in sight. Just an old man running around a prison island.

The frustrations of trying to communicate

I think human language is really inadequate in terms of vocabulary. There are some things we encounter every single day that we don’t have words for, just because they are slightly abstract in nature. For example, most days a thought I don’t really like will keep popping into my head, and I have to make an effort to clear it away. We have words like ‘idea’, ‘belief’ and ‘delusion’, but no one word specifically for this kind of ‘head garbage’, for negative concepts, thoughts or any type of cognitive phenomenon or qualia that left unresolved causes some kind of distress or dissonance. One word for that would be really useful. Or a word for a person that we don’t like but have to tolerate due to circumstances. A single word for that would be good. We have ‘friend’, ‘enemy’, ‘lover’, ‘acquaintance’ and so forth, so why not a word that means someone who is an unfortunate necessity? Also, we have the word ‘aspect’, as in an ‘aspect’ of an object, practice or situation, but no word for an aspect of something that causes misapprehension or confusion. A single word for that would be really helpful for expressing our thoughts. These descriptions may seem strange, but if these words already existed we would take them for granted. I think that if English, and other languages, were a little more finely discriminating in relation to more abstract notions, we would be able to communicate more efficiency, maybe even more joyfully. I’m sick of having to use whole sentences to communicate some kind of idea I know exists because I can feel it in my mind, just because there isn’t a single word for it, even though it’s something I encounter frequently in my everyday experience.

Cold Or Wet?

Don't you hate it when you don't know if something's cold or wet? I don't. I like it.

18

I have been watching Season 7 of terror-prevention/action borefest 24 these last few weeks, and have a good idea for a follow-up show. The new show will star Jack Bauer as before, except he's a really fat, lazy drunk who doesn't get up until two in the afternoon. We then watch as, in real time, he watches TV and drinks beer, occasionally getting up for a piss or to go the refridgerator for yet another beer. Some hours of the show are just him snoring on the couch with Friends or a wildlife documentary blaring on the TV set in front of him. The cliffhanger at the end of each episode usually involves whether his cigarette with set fire to the couch after he has passed out, or whether he will make it to the toilet in time to avoid wetting his pants. I was really happy when 24 came out, and I finally had a chance to watch a show in 'real time'. I sometimes, however, ruin the effect by pausing the DVD. The new show will be called '18', because Bauer always gets up really late and then passes out 18 hours later.

Let's Make Everything Into A Movie

When I was in elementary school one day I went for a really long dump, and took a notebook and some crayons with me. Whilst in the toilet, I filled about six pages with the adventures of a young superhero called Shoe In-Sole Man. Shoe In-Sole Man was born the day young Don Barrett stepped in some radioactive goo on the New York subway, and as a result the in-sole of his left sneaker grew and mutated into a separate being, Shoe In-Sole Man. Don himself doesn’t feature much in the story thereafter, except in a couple of scenes where you can see him pissing in the background with one shoe missing. Anyway, a few weeks ago I was surprised to learn that some Hollywood executives visiting my elementary school went into the bathroom and found my crudely drawn adventure. Amazed because they thought they had made everything into a movie already, they picked it up, shook off the piss and spent 50 million dollars to turn it into a blockbuster hit. It’s out next week.