Reincarnation

People will pay for any old crap, so I've decided to open a 'reincarnagency', where they can come in and pay me to perform some bogus rite guaranteeing that they'll come back as a certain thing or type of person. They can choose from a catalogue which has pictures of birds and dolphins and Harvard professors and the like, and then pay me a fee to make sure that's what they come back as. I'll then start chanting and sprinkling piss all over them with soft music playing. When it's all done, I'll smile warmly and say 'Enjoy your next life as a gibbon', or whatever they've chosen. I'll even sell them lives as people who have already died, if they're stupid enough. So, if they want to come back as Hitler or Little Lord Faulkneroy, they can cough up some cash the same as all the people who want to be trees and whales and so on.
I think it would be good if people just started being the animal they want to be in their next life now. I mean, why wait? I think if there's some Harvard professor who wants to be a tapir or a big smelly goat he should just start walking around tomorrow, screaming 'NYAAAAAA!' at random moments. Animals seem to do that sometimes. Just scream 'RAAAAAAHHH!!!!' for no reason. I think it's brilliant. I think shouting at random times is like the definition of true freedom. But I can understand why lions and tigers roar. It's usually when they're angry or frightened. But birds just seem to sing for no reason. Maybe they are all gay and think they're in a musical.