Why do I have to work?

Why do I have to work? It's stupid. Everyone's stupid except me. Why can't they just give me some money every month for doing nothing, and then I can just do whatever I want every day? In fact, why do I have to do anything? If I just stopped altogether, I wonder how long I would last. I reckon if I just lay on my side in bed like a sausage and didn't do anything my mum would start coming over and feeding me and opening my mail for me. She'd have to push the food into my mouth with a kid's plastic spoon, and then rub my throat like when the vet wants a dog to swallow some medicine. I wouldn't even make the effort to go to the toilet. I'd just let people turn me over and hose down the bed when it got full of turds. The mail would just pile up. At first, people would come and open the mail and then place it next to me in bed, but then it would slowly dawn on them that even then I didn't intend to do anything about it. So, if was a cheque or something, they'd have to cash it for me. If it was a bill, they'd have to take it to the post office and pay it. I think the ideal situation would actually be to be fully conscious and on life-support, so you can still watch DVDs and stuff while the machine breathes for you. Also, I want something that will blink my eyes or keep my eyeballs moist for me. I didn't ask to be born, so I don't see why I should be subjected to all this shit every day.

Try singing the alphabet song, but with random letters instead of in order. It's really difficult.